The Improvisational Art of Caregiving

Welcome to What the Day Holds.

What the Day Holds

In the wind on a clothesline

two white sheets wrinkle 
swing upside down like bats

When breeze picks one up
the other follows

like a happily married couple 
they remain tethered

through midnight gales and
morning lulls

not knowing what the day holds 
when either will be picked

from the line carried to bed.

I wrote this poem in 2008

just after my husband Gregory and I moved onto the farm where we lived for 14 years. Fifteen years later, here we are, Gregory and I, maneuvering our way through the midnight gale of Parkinson’s that has been slamming our line and threatening our tether for 3 1/2 years. Determined to remain, the two of us regularly hovering between feeling it a curse we want to wake up from, and a blessing of increased vulnerability, intimacy and wisdom.

A few months ago, my editor-friend Coreen assured me that when I switched to Substack, my loyal Mailchimp subscribers would be happy to accompany me as I continue to share my assorted adventures through the calm and storm of this love story, caring for myself daily, as I care for Gregory. Well, here we are. If you are reading this, your email has been migrated with me, or you have been sent an invitation by me, or someone has sent it to you who thinks you would appreciate reading it.

As a writer, I love words

for their sounds, meanings, and the spells they cast as they invite our closer attention and shift our habitual perceptions.

Typically called “tremors,” one of the most common and disconcerting symptoms of Parkinson’s is the involuntary movement of the arms, hands and other body parts. Gregory prefers the word “rattles. Most mornings, before I open my eyes, I feel him rattling in the bed beside me. Sometimes, the rattling originates from my own side of the bed, with my own heart beating faster in distress and trepidation.

I don’t know how to be a caregiver. Many of us who find ourselves in this position feel the same way. If I’d been a parent, I’d have willingly signed up for the years of feeding, bathing and dressing. Instead I chose a childfree life, because I wanted to write and to learn to care for myself over caring for others. (My parents were not the greatest of role models.)

As a writer who also dances and creates visual art

I find the feeling of “not knowing” exhilarating, whether I’m freefalling words, or feet, or colourful pastel strokes across a blank canvas. It’s the improvisation I like, the act of trying out new moves, new shapes, new storylines, and surprising myself with what emerges.

What if I view this journey of caregiving as an improvisation, wherein I allow myself to freefall into the encounters with Gregory, and rather than assume, or pretend that I can control or predict what will happen, I enter into the process, with openness, curiosity, and a willingness (dare I say eagerness) to surprise myself?

Wouldn’t it too be exhilarating? It certainly would be a shift in perception, inviting my closer attention to those moments when I am caring for myself and when I am caring for Gregory.

Hmmm….

My intention & some writing prompts for you

I am thinking of this newsletter as a rattle, like one you would shake for an infant to soothe, entertain or draw their attention.

I hope What the Day Holds will soothe, entertain and draw your attention.

I am also thinking of it as a medicine rattle, that calls in all the kindred spirits, inviting them to be present for the ceremony about to unfold. 

I call you all in, as kindred spirits. Sit, sip some tea, and read about the ceremony of caregiving unfolding in my daily life. Share with me how your own is unfolding.

Let’s discover together its rituals of blessing, and find ways to nourish and support ourselves through its tremors and storms.

I am so grateful you are here with me, and invite your comments and stories. Here are some prompts to write about and reflect:

• What unexpected blessings have come through being a caregiver?

• How do you nourish and support yourself through the tremors and storms?

Creativity Calling

I was recently interviewed on the podcast The Person You Want To Be. Check out the video here or the audio here.

I’m a Featured Author in the new book  The Coach's Guide to Completing Creative Work: Top Tips for Working with Procrastination, Perfectionism and More. Lynda Monk & Eric Maisel (Editors).