Permission to Write What Feels Good
Telling the truth about my process of sharing my words
Welcome to all the new subscribers! So glad you’re here!
I’m Ahava Shira, a writer from a small island in the Canadian Pacific Northwest. In What the Day Holds, I write about the present moment intimacies, tender beauty, and shocking difficulty of caregiving and how creative and spiritual practices can help us to tend ourselves as we support others.
Your Elusive Creative Genius
I had been feeling some hesitation in choosing my next post. With several drafts accumulating and uncertainty about which one to choose, I went in search of some guidance. Listening again to author Elizabeth Gilbert’s much-viewed TED Talk “Your elusive creative genius,” I was reminded of something I had forgotten. Our creative work has a soul—sometimes referred to as a genius or daemon— that lives outside of us and with whom we are meant to be in relationship. Because we are co-creating with them, we can’t take full responsibility for neither our successes, nor our failures.
This idea invited a feeling of relief, like a balloon in my gut being popped, taking the air of out my artist-ego. It also reminded me of the relationship I had started to build with the soul of this newsletter. A few months ago, in a zoom session with a group of witchy creatives in the Coven of Creativity, I was led on a guided journey to meet her:
Through the tall archway of an old stone hacienda, I descended a flight of stone stairs, then strolled out into a garden that looked like the one I live beside. As I sat on a wooden bench under the wide arms of a beloved “mama” cedar tree, I was approached by a petite nymph, her bare olive skin partly hidden by a mane of long dark wavy hair. She told me her name was Diana, after the Greek & Roman Goddess of the hunt, the moon and childbirth. Since my work in the world is giving creative births and midwifing others’ creativity, I felt immediately in good company. That and the fact that I’ve inherited a cameo pin from my mother with a portrait of Diana etched into it, including her bow, arrow and a crescent moon.
To get some clarity, as well as to share with you a beloved writing practice I have engaged in for decades, I decided to write a conversation with Diana. This is also a practice included in my co-authored book Writing Alone Together: Journalling in a Circle of Women for Creativity, Compassion & Connection.
Here it is:
Ahava: Hello Diana!
Diana: Hi Ahava, it is such an honour to be with you here!
Ahava: Oh good because I need your help. You know I am never at a loss for words. They come and keep coming so easefully. What is more challenging is knowing which ones to share, in what order, and also which ones are especially relevant for the reader.
D: Yes Ahava, I know you love words and their ease in coming through you is a joy to watch. I also know you struggle in sharing them at times.
A: Yes, I do. As much as I love to tell the truth of my experience, I also worry about being too vulnerable, or that others won’t be able to relate to what I am saying. I fear readers will judge me for the words I share, or the ways I conceive of my experience. Or what if they think me “childish” for making up conversations with characters, like you. And yet, I am only telling my truth. I hope that others will resonate with it, that it will touch something in them. But that is out of my control.
D: It sounds like you know exactly why you are writing and sharing your words, Ahava!
A: I guess I do. Besides, these kinds of conversation always delight and nourish and soothe me!
D: Wow, well if they “delight, nourish and soothe” you, then I imagine they will do the same for others. And like you said, their reaction to your writing is out of your control. So why don’t you choose your words according to how they feel for you, and trust that those who need to hear them will receive them.
A: That is such beautiful advice Diana! Hmmm… What if I use it as a way to check in with what I want to share? I can ask myself those two questions:
1) Does the post delight, nourish and soothe me?
2) Do the words feel good?
D: Yes, that’s wonderful, Ahava. By answering those two questions, you will know when a piece is ready to share.
A: Thanks Diana! It is about giving myself permission, isn’t it?
D: Yes, it is. Just like you give your students permission to write and share what feels good to them.
A: Hmmm…
Creating Sanctuary for the Caregiver
Creating characters is one way I glean insight and understanding for my life. It is also a way I tend myself as I care for my husband Gregory.
Here are a few others:
1) Writing poems, stories and this newsletter to process moments of emotional despair and mental negativity:
2) Colouring with pastels and pencils, as well as making collage and other multimedia art to immerse myself in calm and create beauty.
3) Dancing at home alone and with others, especially outdoors in natural places to exercise, release pent-up emotions and connect with the wonder of being alive. Also making short dance films exploring themes of intimacy, sensuality and reverence for the natural world.
4) Listening to music and singing songs (in English and in Hebrew) to remind myself of what I have to be grateful for.
5) Practicing meditation to ground in my body, hold my heart tenderly, and nurture myself with lovingkindness, compassion and other beautiful qualities of attention.
6) Spending time with other caregivers and friends to share our journeys including the difficulty and joy, grief and beauty.
Through engaging in all of these practices and activities, I make a space for creative sanctuary amidst the stress of caregiving.
This fall, I am offering other caregivers an online space to do the same.
If you are a caregiver who feels overwhelmed and exhausted but find it difficult to carve out time for your own self-care and nurturing, I invite you to join me for
Caregiving is a lonely journey, one that exhausts your resources on so many levels.
Writing and other creative & meditative practices can help you :
~ express emotions
~ soothe and soften the heart
~ connect to lost parts of you
~ share honestly with others
~ feel seen, heard and valued
~ pause, relax and rejuvenate
Tendher is a safe, sacred space
to help you bring calm, ease and joy into your life as a caregiver.
Immersed in the mystery and magic of the creative process, you will reconnect to yourself and the wonder and beauty of existence.
Registration for Tendher is open now. To learn more, including costs, and how to register, click here...
To learn more about the benefits of sharing your story of caregiving with others who can listen well, read this article from the CBC.